Effective Communication in the Family

 How do we communicate effectively and how does effective communication influence our families?

Face to Face communication is more effective.

Last week I talked about how most conflict in the family, due to stress, or any other reason, can be resolve with a little communication. The challenge, however, is being able to communicate effectively. I can't speak for others, but I feel like I create misunderstandings wherever I go. Misunderstandings can easily create more stress and friction when tensions are already high. This can cause a situation to escalate unnecessarily making issues worse and tempers flare. So this begs the question, "How do we communicate effectively and how does effective communication influence our families?" Luckily for us, communication is something we can practice. We must recognize which forms of communication are most effective, learn to be conscious of how we react to conflict interactions, and try to understand the individuals we may be in conflict with.

Understanding the most effective way to communicate. Personally, I find face to face communication to be most effective especially when communicating through a conflict or misunderstanding. I have a few reasons why I think this. To start. When comparing face to face communication versus mediated communication such as facetime, the first pro for the face to face section is you don't have to wait for a buffer. Another reason is communication isn't determined by an otherwise flimsy connection which can fail unexpectedly. Face to face interactions allow to people to communicate directly with one another. It allows us to see peoples non-verbal queues more clearly than if your were talking over a phone or texting. Non-verbal queues are a form of communication without speaking. An example of this is gestures made when speaking, body posture, and eye contact. It can be difficult to gauge someone without these tells and make it easier for one or all the individuals involved to create misunderstandings. I don't want to completely eliminate mediated forms of communication as an option. Certain circumstances call for mediated forms of communication. My mom struggled a lot our first few years in the U.S. because she couldn't visit her family in the Philippines regularly she had to settle with buying prepaid cards to make international calls. My mom lived for those calls and when video calling was released she became a lot happier because she could see her family often even if it was only on a small screen. Before this a lot of conflict could be seen in the home. 

With ineffective communication in the home it becomes and environment where conflict thrives. Conflict can be difficult to resolve, especially when neither party wants to back down. If you want the conflict to end you have to be the one willing to take the step. Unfortunately, controlling other people isn't possible. So, that just leaves us. D.D. Burns outlines one the most effective points for communication. They are,

1.       Disarming Technique – find the kernel of truth. When a conversation gets heated it is easy to start speaking very quickly and talking about a lot  of different topics in one go. It's important for us to find the truth and acknowledge it. 

2.       Express Thought Feeling - Empathy. Try to understand how the other party is feeling and express it. This is most important in my opinion. Understanding the other party is key to resolving conflict, because it helps you understand why you are in conflict. Which makes it easier to resolve. 

3.       Inquiry- “Am I getting that right?” Just because you think you know how your partner is feeling doesn't necessarily mean you're right. So, it doesn't hurt to make sure you are understanding them.

4.       “I feel” statements - As a part of the conversation it is important to express your feelings as well to be able to come to a satisfactory resolution. Your feelings are important too. 

5.       Stroking Technique – Telling somebody something you authentically admire about someone. It's always a good thing to end a conflict with something positive. Pay the other party an honest compliment, something you really admire about them.

C    Communication is the key to making any relationship work, especially when it comes to family. Family is a life long connection and if we don't communicate and bond with each other that connection can sour and lead to negative consequences. So knowing things like D.D. Burns 5 secrets for Effective Communication.

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