Stress generally, isn't seen as something that can be beneficial by most young people. My little brother often exclaims when he has hit his stress limit then isolates himself completely from others in hopes that he can destress and avoid stress. When I was younger I did the same thing. My problem however, was that my bar for stress was very low and I consigned myself to doing almost nothing all the time. Sleeping for 16 hours a day with no activity or ambition. In a study called "None toxic Family Stress: Potential Benefits and Underlying Biology", a test was done exposing children to what is called "normative" family stress and "moderate" family stress. Normative stress in this article was defined as "daily experiences with common family interactions and events that generate brief, mild expressions of negative affect (e.g., parent–child conflict, family demands, parental disappointment and associated feelings of irritability, frustration, disappointment, and sadness)." The researches illustrated their results using a graph and children exposed to "normative" stressed were the highest functioning while those exposed to extremely low stress and high stress recorded were the lowest functioning. I eventually got sick of doing nothing and started to force myself into situations that I found stressful and after a few months I began to see my problem solving skills improve and my bar for stress had increased astronomically. My sister has always been the all star when it came to performing under pressure she was the best of us when it came to pushing yourself and challenging your limits. She performed the best in school and was more level headed when she was under stress.
During moments of stress in the family setting parents play a huge role in the household. In the same article cited previously they cite a source saying, "Parent responses communicate how negative emotions should be managed (Lunkenheimer, Shields, & Cortina, 2007)" The parent set the tone for how the children will respond to stress. This puts a lot of responsibility on the parents because have to manage how they react to stress as an example to their children who they are setting the example for. If the parents can't handle stress then it stands to reason the child won't know how to handle it either. This was the case for my family growing up for sure. I couldn't recognize I was stressed until I was in high school. I reacted quite aggressively in response to it. My siblings and parents suffered as a consequence. We are all pretty much in the dark when it comes to stress management.
I benefitted a lot when I left home for a while. I met new people outside of my family's circle of influence. I got new role models who in my eyes were successful and happy, the most important thing I learned from them was that pressure was a good thing. Stress was part of the challenge to getting everything you wanted out of life. I finally realized that stress was good, the only challenge left was figuring out how to manage that stress.
Stress can be overwhelming at times, but that doesn't mean we can't manage our stress to make it bearable and help us meet our goals. My uncle for instance is a very busy guy, I worked for him for a few months and I got to see how much stress he put himself under to meet his goals. During that summer he would spend 3-4 days out of town for work and then when he got back he was busy flipping rental houses. Part of the reason he didn't break down under that immense load of work was that he knew when it was time to relax. He would go outdoors or hang out with friends in a low stress environment. He would also always communicate with his family before he went out of town and trusted us to do our part too. He knew how to ask for help when it was necessary. It was from this that I learned I could manage my stress if it got too hard. Personally for me I could manage stress like my uncle so I had to go through some trial and error. This included figuring out what stressed me out and then figuring out how I could manage that stress. When it all boiled down to it for me I learned that I just needed to take a deep breath and focus on what I could control.
Everyone is different and that makes it important to know how it is that we manage our stress as individuals. When or if we start a family this can set the framework for how we manage stress in the family setting and sets a good example for your children when the time comes.
Sources: \Repetti, Rena L., and Theodore F. Robles. “Nontoxic Family Stress: Potential Benefits and Underlying ...” Wiley Online Library, 22 Mar. 2016, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fare.12180.
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