Parenting: Benefits and Consequences

 The nature of parenting can be a difficult balance. It is different for everyone. Every child is unique every parent different. This makes parenting a struggle. I don't know what everyone else's idea of a good parent is, but my ideal is to be a parent who can effectively teach his child to be an independent problem solver who understands the nature of responsibility and the meaning of hard work. Growing up, I didn't understand concept of responsibility or hard work. This lack of revelation caused me to cave frequently under pressure and give up easily. It was only thanks to certain experiences in my life that I finally began to understand the meaning of responsibility and the nature of hard work. While opinions and personalities don't have to be universal but, the nature of hard work and responsibility should be. Imagine the feeling of knowing you sent your child out in the world prepared for to face difficulties.

The most important thing to do as a parent is to start taking the necessary steps early. The first step to take is establishing a hierarchy. Doing this must come with the understanding that you (the parent) are the one in charge. Establishing this hierarchy creates the foundation for the child to be able to trust the decisions of the "grown up" in the family, however this system involves making some uncompromising decisions. This can be difficult for many parents who want their child to feel heard. Ultimately the parent must be the final decision maker in the house. The parents are the ones who carry the most experience and understand the nature of consequences. This in effect gives the parent the most responsibility. Shirking this responsibility can lead to disastrous consequences. In an article called "The Collapse of Parenting: Why it's Time for Parents to Grow Up"  it talks about some of the possible consequences saying, "...the consequences can be far-reaching, starting with children’s eating habits, which might contribute to them becoming overweight and obese." The two may not seem directly correlated, however when we recognize the compromises we have made in regards to a child's eating habits such as giving up on making them eat healthy vegetables and giving them candy as part of a rewards system. Little things like this can pile up and lead to unintended consequences. 

There are still times when an established system of hierarchy by itself will fail. A parent that constantly exerts authority over their child may not always get the opportunity to learn and the parent becomes the villain. This can become especially true if a parent doesn't hold themselves accountable for the things they say and do. Children need to know they can trust their parents when they listen to them. By acting contrary to what you do and say you create an environment where a child no longer values the parent's opinion or doesn't trust the parent. Sometimes these unintended consequences leave a lasting impact on a child's development. In another article title "Parenting begets Parenting: A neurobiological perspective on early adversity and the transmission of parenting styles across generations" it states, "Young children’s enhanced sensitivity to their social world means that they are highly susceptible to adverse social experiences, including short-term, dramatic events... " While I believe some adversity is good for a child's development, it is imperative that parents hold themselves accountable for the example they provide to their children. I firmly believe that if a parent holds themselves accountable for their actions to their children it will create an environment where the child can trust their parent's decisions even if the parent themselves make a mistakes.

I would also like to point out that parents don't need to put up the perfect image in front of their child. You are guaranteed to fail if you try. Besides, being fallible helps children to accept their own mistakes. It is showing them that they can improve on their mistakes that is important. I couldn't accept failure when I was younger, if I failed at something then I would immediately give up and pretend like it never happened and if anyone brought it up I would get angry and defensive. As I grew older I realized that mistakes were something that could celebrated, because making a mistake gives us the opportunity to improve. If we seize this opportunity then we our skills expand and we see improvement. The satisfaction from this is liberating. I wish I had learned the value of a mistake when I was younger. If children learn to improve upon mistakes from a young age it will develop into a habit that carries on into adulthood. The child won't be afraid to try new things for fear of failure and improving on their mistakes will help them become independent. 

There is a lot more to parenting than I have described in this post, but I do believe that what I have expounded on can help to create a stable foundation for a parent child relationship.