Family Dynamics At Play

Families come in all shapes and sizes they also have their own dynamics and functions. I like to think every family is unique each family has their own way of doings and handling their children. However, this doesn't mean we can't learn from the examples of these families. In the book Marriage and Family in America: Needs, Myths, and Dreams, they outline a few theories that can be seen when observing families. 

Three specific theories that stuck were:

Exchange Theory: This theory supports the idea that cost should not exceed reward. Robert and Jeanette Lauer describe this saying, "Exchange Theory Posits a rational assessment of a situation. The individual weighs the pros and cons, the costs and rewards, of a situation." This week while doing some personal shopping I actually came across a couple that was doing just this. At first glance the couple was standing in front of the Nintendo section in Walmart and they seemed to be in a heated debate over whether to get something or not. The exchange went back and forth for a few minutes and ultimately I didn't see how it ended, but, it was clear this was a "serious" decision that warranted the discussion of pros and cons. Though the conversation was heated there was still discussion and not one member of the couple demanding control which leads me to the next theory. 

Conflict Theory: This theory is the idea that all societies are defined by conflict and inequality due to insufficient resources. While out shopping I saw examples of this quite often. I noticed a child asking for a toy in the children's section of the store and the parent telling them no. The resulting cries from the child were very apparent leaving no one to doubt that the parent and child were in conflict. I feel like conflict theory was what I observed most commonly when I was out and about shopping. Couples would argue about things not being in the budget and children would be complaining about not getting something they wanted. I was definitely one of the complaining children at one point in my life. Conflict Theory is definitely something I am accustomed to. The real question, however is how does something like Exchange Theory and Conflict Theory affect us as individuals? How will it affect the upbringing of our children and/or future children? The third theory I am going to discuss asks these same questions.

Symbolic Interaction Theory: This theory views humans as creatures who are shaped and influenced by interaction experiences. I saved this theory for last because the previous two theories worked around the interaction experience itself in a way that those two theories defined an individuals behavior. Symbolic Interaction Theory, however views the interaction experience as a whole is what influences individuals. To quote Marriage and Families in America again, "...what happens in interaction is a result not merely of what individuals bring to it, but also of the interaction itself." 

I knew a few people who thrived on conflict and would try to start an argument just to get a rise out of someone. One individual in particular would laugh as he saw someone get frustrated. I won't name anyone here to avoid conflict. This individual explained that they and their siblings would often get into conflict and that was how they bonded. Personally I wasn't a fan. In contrast I was out shopping and I saw a father rolling his daughter around in a cart. The daughter was no more than four or five years old and she was talking to her father at what sounded anything and everything. Her father was attentive and asked questions treating her like an equal in the conversation. The girl was well behaved in the store and was open with her father. I was honestly impressed for the brief moment of the conversation that I heard. 

In these two examples we have to different interaction experiences and two different outcomes. Personally I am more inclined to support Symbolic Interaction Theory. It makes one come to realize the effect we can have on others especially our families.

I'd invite everyone to take that to heart and think about the way you interact with your families or how you plan to interact with a family you may have in the future. Interactions have power and luckily enough if we are conscious of that the power will be in our hands and we can affect the outcome.